Awkward questions and how to handle them.
So, you've lost your hair EVERYWHERE then? (said whilst looking down toward your nethers ...)
This has got to be one of the most awkward questions I think anyone has ever asked me about my alopecia.
I mean come on, who in there right mind would actually ask this! I'm not talking about your best mate or your mum here. I'm talking about that old school friend who you barely even spoke to back in the day or the guy at the co-op or even (I swear to god this once happened to me) the BT man coming to fit the new phone line in your shop!.
It's almost laughable (if it wasn't so horrifically inappropriate!) but this question can be a common one for us ladies with Alopecia universalis (total scalp and body hair loss).
How is one meant to answer this? Well, of course each person is different but for me I have the same set response for most awkward questions and my response to this little gem of a question is this ...
The only person who will ever know the answer to this question is my husband.
I bet you get really hot and sweaty under that wig!?
Let's be honest. Any question regarding your hair loss is going to be an awkward one if you are still trying to adjust to it all.
A lot has changed for you and taking as long as you need to adjust and re-frame your thinking is totally normal. Spending numerous days tucked up under your duvet feeling sorry for yourself is also normal. You're entitled to this. Alopecia sucks when it first strikes!
One question that always used to get me all hot and sweaty was "oh my god! I bet it's horrific wearing a wig and I bet your head is all sweaty under there".
Now, some could take offense to this question. I mean, some half random person you barely know has just accused you of being sweaty headed.
Honestly? I try NOT to get offended by peoples questions. 99% of the time they are just genuinely curious and I see this as a great way to educate others. There is always that 1% of the time where they're just, frankly, been an idiot. The best way to deal with those one percent, the passive aggressive kind of person that will then make it all about your over-reaction to a "harmless question" is to to keep your answer short, sweet and emotional-less.
"Nope, not really!"
Oh my GOD, I'm so sorry! Did I offend you?
Argh ... Bluntly put? This comment really pisses me off. Not when it's said with genuine concern but when it's said in that over dramatic, whiny, let's say it so loud that EVERYONE within a 10 mile radius hears kinda way.
When someone says it in that really loud, over dramatic way I tend to think that they are trying to cause some kind of stir emotionally from me and that makes me question if I really want to be talking to someone who likes creating that feeling and drama etc.
To the genuine person asking - No not at all! Please don't worry about that I'm not offended.
To the arsehole person asking - God no. I'm way too comfortable in my own skin to be offended about something I have absolutely no control over. (say this even if they just made you feel like crap. Don't let anyone think they have the power to upset you that way).
I could go on forever with the awkward comments and questions I'm sure we all get regarding our hair loss but I know you're a busy lady and you don't have all day to sit here and read ;-)
I'm going to say that this post is one to be continued ...
I hope this blog gave you a giggle today is nothing else!